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May 23 2018

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The spirit of a Generation

@melonmemes if you are are going to keep a lazy blog at least credit artists



By Skylerchui

People actually try to maintain credit for their memes? This is the internet, once it’s out there, it’s gone.

yes they do, because youre kind of a douche otherwise

No, nobody cares about credit for just memes but this was literally drawn by someone so, yeah, credit



Muslims fasting and taking exams at the same time during Ramadan are braver than any US marine.


take a shot every time you hear someone at university saying “i want to die” so you die of alcohol poisoning and don’t have to worry about exams anymore




I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him

So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:

John Mulaney - early 20th century

Eric Andre - Probably 17th century or so.

Taika Waititi - Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves - We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.

Jeff Goldblum - 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.

Tommy Wiseau - Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.

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It has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into, what I’m sure will be, a distracting childish marriage.











if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild

brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it’ll jiggle.

me: no??? that’s mean???

brain: polar bear, then

me: no

brain: the lions just got fed raw meat

me: yes?

brain: steal it and eat it in front of them


rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received

I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. 

sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering


This 100% was me at the zoo. Don’t touch Melon, he’s mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it?

Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won’t get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine.

Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM.

The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don’t have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we’re putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical horns, because he thinks the females are doing it.

The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they’ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don’t give him fruit loops. He is a jerk.)

The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she’s on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets.

Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac’s enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she’s a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite.

The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man.

All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don’t know you and they are very distressed that you’re taking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not learn. Do not pet the guinea pig.

this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you

as biologist, can confirm

brain: that frog is very small
me: well spotted, brain
brain: put smol frog in mouth
me: no!

brain: that lynx…looks so fluffy…
me: it does
brain: we should pet it.
me: it’s awake and angry so no.

brain: baaaaby bunny.
me: yup.
brain: baby bunny goes in pocket
me: nooo it doesn’t.

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We could go to City Hall. — Jake, do you really want to get married in the same place people go to get restraining orders?



May 22 2018

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captain america coming out of the ice like

finals week aka ramen season

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A Carry On piece for @magickspills hope you like it! 

 Feel free to send me requests


you ever think about how the reason the paladins are paladins is because lance could literally not find his chill regarding keith and was compelled to follow him that one fateful day. amazing. i love klance

May 21 2018

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Chopard Secret Night during Cannes Film Festival at Chateau de la Croix des Gardes in Cannes, France | May 11, 2018

#scrolling fast. seeing an other worldly midair swish of beautiful fabric. knowing it’s gonna be a devastating lupita outfit #before even scrolling back up

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I love you. And I’m worried about dancing in front of our friends. The end.

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